Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Thursday, 9 May 2013

A Brief Play: Being a short interplay between three gods

Scene:

We see three figures walking across a wasteland.  The ground is barren under their feet, dry, yellow, course dirt, more like gravel than soil.  There are boulders the same colour in the background.  Above them, sunlight filters through a mist that blurs everything, like looking back through the mists of time.

One is a very tall old man with a hoary beard, and his hair long and past his shoulders, is the same colour.  His clothes are grey and just a bit better than rags.  He wears a large, floppy, pointed, brimmed hat that looks like it's as old as he is.  It shades his face, but we can just make out that he wears an eye patch over one eye.  He walks as one who is determined but patient, no extra effort, no emotion in his stride.  At his hip is an ornate sword that seems at odds with his dress, and he walks with the aid of a speer that's bigger than a quarter staff.  In the glint of the light, we can see what looks like runes carved in the speer head.

On his left walks a man who is also very tall, but a bit shorter than the old man.  He looks much younger, and is skinny and gangly.  He is blonde and pale.  He is dressed in teal and blue, princely clothing.  Everything is just right, in order, every hair on his head, every fold of his clothes.  His black leather boots are polished to a shin.  He has no beard, either clean shaven or unable to grow a beard.  He obviously cares much for his appearance.  He walks with a bit of a skip in his stride, and the smile on his face seems unconscious but mischievous.  In his hand is a long, very narrow staff that would look like a twig if it wasn't so large.  It's made from a light coloured wood that looks almost like blackthorn wood, and there are black runes burnt into it.

On the old man's right walks a much bulkier man, short in comparison to the other two, but still tall.  Like the thin man, his hair is blonde, though bordering on strawberry blonde in the light.  Like the old man, he has a beard, matching his blonde hair.  His blue eyes are fierce and dangerous.  He walks with purpose, his muscles obvious even through the chain mail armour he wears.  The armour appears to be made of bronze, and looks very old but well cared for, like the wearer cares as much for his armour as the thin man does for his hair.  On his head is a helmet, also appearing to be bronze.  It has plates that cover his ears, and a nose guard that curves around under his eyes, connecting back to his temples.  It has a slight point to the top, and from the side sprout two backward facing fins or wings, giving his head almost a dragon appearance.  In his hand, he carries a hammer.  The handle is short, hardly large enough for the hand that holds it.  The head of the hammer, though, is very large and obviously head, though its wielder doesn't seem to use any effort to carry it. The hammer is made of iron, and is much scared from use.  Faded now under the scars, runes can be made out, obviously hammered into the metal when it was still hot.

Thor (looking across Odin at Loki, an annoyed look on his face, speaks in more a grumble than anything):

Why is HE here?  Why'd you bring him.

Odin (looks at Thor out of the corner of his eye and answer matter of factly):

Because he's my brother.

Thor:

Blood and cup brother only, not family.

Odin (shares a smile with Loki that the audience can see but Thor can't):

There is that.

Loki (with a smirk on his face):

Why is HE here?

Odin (trying not to smile):

It's bring your son to work day.

Saturday, 23 March 2013

How to Perform an Initiatory Death, in Six Easy Steps


[Warning: this is a bit tongue and check, and stemmed from a discussion on a Facebook group that shall not be named, posted by someone who shall not be named, and discussed by people who shall not be named.  It is *mostly* satire and humour, but there is truth in it.  So take is as you will.]

So, how would one go about performing an initiatory death?  Or put another way, what is a generic way to perform a initiation, given no tradition for context, and no details on what is being looked for?  [Note: All initiation adherently is a death based initiation or an initiatory death.]

1.  Prepare the sacrifice, um, I mean victim, um, I mean novice or candidate for initiation.

Preparation would involve teaching, and tests to determine if they are plump enough, um, tender enough, um, dry enough, um, I mean ready for initiation.  The teaching should provide tools and techniques that will be helpful, a framework to understand the initiation (after the fact, if they survive), and a world view conducive to the initiation.  Testing should determine if they're "getting" the lessons at all, on a deeper level, and forcing them to apply them.  Basically, exercise to get them tender enough, um, to get them ready.

2.  Drive them or lead them to a remote place, in the mountains, out in a swamp, to a dense undisturbed forest, to somewhere remote and wild.  And a place you know the spirits and know the spirits are hungry, um, I mean active.

Plan the drive or hike to get them to the site about half an hour before sunset.  Make the journey there as long as possible, and mix silence with monologues about the spirits, getting them in the mood, and open.  The journey is half the experience.  The spirits like their prey frightened and scared, um, I mean, the spirits like a sense of mystery and mood.

3.  At the site, while the sun is still up, have them prepare a space.

Have them marking it off, set up props, I mean tools and worship items, get the space ready.  Make it clear to them that they are creating a sacred space for the monsters, I mean spirits, to manifest in, that it isn't for protection to keep things out, but a space for the initiation to occur.  But also that it is imperative that they don't leave the space, because something *BAD* will happen.  You don't want the spirit's meal to run away, they might turn on you.  Um, I mean, the sense of location will help with the initiatory experience.  While helping them get the space ready, talk about what they need to do, what the props, um, items mean.  All conversation should be about the coming experience, and you want as much conversation as possible, to whet the appetite of the spirits, um, I mean so the silence and night sounds are more impactful.  Candles or fire should be involved, but limited, so they go out at some point.

4.  Leave them.

Just before the sun sets, leave.  Tell them you will be back for them, but to call your name in an emergency.  Make it clear this is to be avoided.  Leave as silently as possible with no light yourself, not looking back.  Know the area well before hand.  Go far enough that you can't see the site, but can still hear in case the spirits need help with the butchering, um, in case the novice has some emergency you need to run them to the hospital for.

5.  Come back at Dawn and clean up the mess.

Put the props, um, items back in whatever they were carried up in, put out any coals, clean up any blood so it doesn't attract animals.

6.  If they are dead, hide the body.  If they are mad, take them back to down and drop them off in an alley and leave.  If they are a poet, take them back to your house, get water and food in them, let them sleep the day away to recover, then have a feast in the evening.

FFF,
~Muninn's Kiss

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